A Willing Suspension of Disbelief

It's been raining all day, and it doesn't look like it's gonna stop anytime soon either. I got a leak in the roof and the floor in my room is slowly turning into the Loch Ness. Buckets and towels are holding of the flood for now. What do you do a day like this anyways?  

I'd trade pretty much anything for a good movie, a cup of tea and a Certain Someone whose shoulder I could slumber on. And maybe a blanket as well 'cause man is this place chilly.  

I had planned to throw in some pictures and stuff from Midsummer, but time is flying and I find myself in a state pretty much bordering on panic. Why, you ask, which is only appropriate as I have given no explanation for this behaviour (though the title is kind of a hint). Simply put: I am going on a bit of a journey. I've got a train leaving around 10 tomorrow morning and I'll be travelling further north than I've ever been before. I am very much looking forward to this; not only the train journey (although I quite enjoy travelling by train) but also seeing the people I'm going to visit on again. It's been far too long since last time I saw them. I just finished packing up the last things from here and I am leaving to go to The Apartment to actually finish packing. I'll be away for about a week and I'm pretty sure that time will be pretty awesome. 

Also, my cellphone is kinda giving up on me and I will not have the time to buy a new one before I leave, so if you can't reach me, that would be why. Mail is probably your best alternative in this case, although I'm not sure how much time I'll be spending with computers during this time (hopefully not very much).   

Summer holiday bores me. In a manner of speaking. It sure would if I'd allow myself to be bored. As it is, I am trying somewhat desperately to fill my days with...things to do.

Last week I went to Uppsala to see Ylva, which was nice. We walked around looking in different stores and ate pizza and ice cream (cherry and blueberry flavoured) by the canal. And talked about stuff I do not have anyone else to talk about with. My dad was working in Uppsala that week, so I got to accompany him to the Uppsala police forensics department (their board meeting are somewhat hilarious) and the photographer there showed me around, which was kinda awesome. 

I also try to spend time in the lab, haven't been there for some days now, but during the two/three days I have been there playing around with Maya I think I've learnt quite a number of things. 

It's just above one week since school ended and my classmates (the three of them I spend the most time with anyways) have once again deserted Gävle. Quite frankly I miss seeing them on a daily (nightly, CCG-time) basis. 

Futher plans for the summer includes more Lab, planning/writing script for the Pegasus' Theatre Project, working out (Friskis och Svettis summer schedule makes me sad; no aerobics), possibly going to Stockholm and somewhat definitely going to bohuslän to visit grandparents. And a most longed-for trip to the north as well; visiting Lolino The Partner In Crime Lolita Friend of a Glorious Misspent Youth, among other things :P 


It's the first time in quite a long time I haven't been looking forward to summer holiday. I can't really relax about it, as I feel I have to occupy myself to avoid going crazy. But if you think about it, my mental health might already be fucked up beyond recovery. We call it CCG08 Mentality: 







 Yes, I do look forward to going back to school after Summer.        

Simple answer: Me. Apparently.   

I brought my mom and went shopping for dresses for Midsummer. I can no longer fill out a size 38 dress. Nor a 36. I ended up getting a 34. This is a wee bit pathetic. Really. I've been a size 38/40 for YEARS.  And I haven't done anything, save eating junk food and not working out. Wtf wtf wtf?

Good thing half the refrigerator in The Apartment is filled with cupcakes. 

(Also, and this is the weird thing: I haven't lost weight, just dropped in size. Around my chest). 

´The deadline for Deadline is less than a week away; I am currently transferring movieclips to start cutting the so called 'Rape Scene' (spent Friday night being molested by Ryssen over and over again. Remember this is the person who complained about there not being enough room between my legs... ) and it seems to be taking a while so I thought I'd take the time to update a bit more about this thing we are working on (we being me and my group, not me and my alter egos); The film is more or less based on the programme we're studying; it's CCG08 (or CCG generally if you will) mentality at it's finest. Below is the trailer for Deadline (as we call it, if it will turn out to be the actuall title of the movie is a different matter entierly). Do enjoy.  



Otherwise I'm listening to the Frankmusic Remix of Lady Gaga's Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) which is crack big time. And I have the Pegasus board meeting where I have to present the New Theatre Project coming up in about 45 min, which means I'll have to leave in about 15 min, which in turn should be just about when the transfer is done. Much work I'm getting done here. Also I don't know exactly where I'm going for the board meeting, and the last time I checked the printer in the lab was acting up, so now I'm gonna draw a map from eniro (apparently hitta.se didn't know where I was going either...).

Today I...

...walked home from School to Andersberg around 03.30 in the morning.
... found a guy sleeping in a bush during said walk.
... called 112 about said guy. (He seemed to be rather alright though.) 
... got home about 04.00 and went to bed even later.
...woke up about 12.30.
... went to Valbo to visit family who got back from Crete about the same time I was talking to the 112 people.
... had dinner with family, it's nice to get food again. 
... ordered pretty shit from the internet. I have high hopes for the hoodie I'm getting - I hope it is Serial Killer Repellent, among other things. 

Otherwise I...

...fail pretty miserably at updating here.
... have been acting and begging for money at Södersöndag with Pegasus (pictures may come).
... have spent my nights at school working with the film class movie. 
...have spent my days sleeping. 
... had my classmates cook me food. 
... promised to cook for my classmates. 
... have a board meeting with Pegasus coming up this Sunday, where I will present all my ideas for Pegasus New Theatre Project (which I will be directing!!).
... have a Information meeting for said project coming up on the 28th. 
... am going to go visit Elisabeth and the To Be Mommy Cat of My Kitten (said kitten is not born yet) on Sunday.

Also...

My hair is longer but not long enough for Olov to stop teasing me about it being short.
And
Apparently I don't have enough room between my legs to please Ryssen.

I'm sick. My throat isn't feeling too well and if I don't have I fever I at least feel like I do. It's possibly the worst timing ever. I Don't Have Time to be sick right now. I really don't. The film for film class is due in less than three weeks, but I feel like the work we have to do easily could span over months. To make it worse we can't start shooting until I drag myself back to school ('cause I'm acting) and all I really want to do is sleep. I've spent today sleeping on the floor and resting on the sofa, and I'm going to bed in a moment. Tomorrow I'm going to od on orange juice and milk (and toast! though I doubt that will have any larger effect on the cold).

In other news, I've sent out mails about the information meeting for Pegasus' new project. I can't believe I'll be directing! It's so wicked, I'm really exited about it, and obviously quite nervous too.

Today I've been vacuum cleaning more or less the entire Apartment (go me!). Partly because it really needed to be done, and partly because it seemed the only way I could justify not working on the Composition for Postproduction class (which is due tomorrow btw).
 
Now I'm gonna be off to Friskis och Svettis to work out (Bräda? Gissar på att det är typ som Step??) and then I just might have to get back to the Lab.  

I've been very committed to avoiding life as of lately. After having survived the 3D-Modeling and Animation II B course I've spent the last week R&R-ing at my parents'. Much needed. Today I have to finish off and turn in my Typographic Design for Digital Media work, which, given the current Adobe InDesign-Download-Status, might prove quite the task. I'm currently alone in The Lab, which is rare for this time of day, but rather nice (as it means I can do silly dances while waiting for the download to be completed (I certainly hope that sekrit camera has not been set up yet)). Anyways, since I'm waiting for the download and can't work right now anyways, I thought I'd do a bit of summing up the past week.

1. Social Update #1
Virtually all my friends (from school) have been going home over Easter. So I've been pretty much totally lonely :( This is a new experience for me, while studying the IB programme I was one of the kids always going home.  

2. Social Update #2
 Okay, so I haven't been THAT lonely. Basically, while my current schoolmates have been travelling away from here over Easter, my old schoolmates who are now studying/living elsewhere, have been travelling back here to spend the holiday with family. I've been spending two days in a row with dear Ylwa and Malin, which of course was totally awesome (and also very good therapy wise). We've been doing girly stuff which, pretty obviously (?) is something I don't get to do much nowadays. So it has been very nice. We spent our Sunday strolling around Valbo Köpcentrum, drooling over shoes, watching House M.D, having dinner with Ylwa's family and lazily slouching on sofas while reading books (very social I know!) and then before Malin and I went home we all decided to meet for lunch the next day. Thus Monday was spent having lunch (delicious delicious Kyckling och fetaost salad. Must eat at Java more often!), having dessert, drooling over shoes some more and running around different stores. 

3. Psyche Update 
Sunday evening the three of us also had the time to take a two hour walk and chat about everything from Malin's problems (scared of frogs) to Ylwa's problems (thinks she's going the right way when she's not) to my problems (certain people are too pretty). I think all three of us felt considerably better afterwards. Still I'm guessing non of us is feeling perfectly at ease at the moment either. 

4. Physical Update
Got sick a couple of months back and Still Haven't Gotten Back To Working Out Regularly. Epic Fail. My right  shoulder is starting to act up. All is the fault of a certain classmate who was having a cold. 

Also my hair has gotten way long, and I cannot cut it because of a certain Agreement.


5. Random
-Bio is 60 riksdaler med Studentkortet. Sweeeeeeet. Went to see Män som hatar kvinnor on Monday. Good movie (no I haven't read the book). Noomi Rapace is hot. (Michael Nyqvist not so much).
- Bought new jeans today. v. pretty. 
- Must buy breakfast. 
-Might be getting kitten! Joy.      

6. School Update
Started new courses. To lazy to write about them right now. Undecided on whether or not I fancy Combustion. 
  

I have slept a grand total of 40 min the past 55 hours. 

I am beginning to question whether you are real.  

"Det finns människor som saknar alla anlag för lycka och som känna det med pinsam, obeveklig klarhet. Sådana människor sträva inte efter lycka, utan efter att få litet form och stil på sin olycka." 

- Doktor Glas

Kom plötsligt att tänka på det här citatet från Hjalmar Söderbergs Doktor Glas idag. Just detta citat känns ganska relevant just nu.

Lets start off with some fun stuff, shall we?

Overheard at the mall a couple of weeks ago:

Two boys, probably about  4 and 6 years old, are running in the genaral direction of straight forward.
Mother: Hey, where exactly are you guys going? 
6 year old: To The game store!
4 year old: To the game store!! *clings to big brother* 
Mother: The game store is at the other end of the mall, over there *points in a direction more or less opposite to the general direction the boys were heading*. You are going the wrong way.
6 year old: We were following you!
Mother: I was behind you...
6 year old: We were still following you! 
4 year old: *laughs* 
Both boys run away in the right direction.

..

And from a past Friday:

Ryssen, Jave, Bär and I found ourselves walking from HIG to Wasteland. Then suddenly I realised we were more or less halfway to Andersberg.

Emi (to Ryssen and Jave) Hey! Guys, where are you going?
Ryssen and Jave: ...
Emi: This is very much the wrong way.
Ryssen and Jave: We were following you.. 
Emi: ..I Am Behind You. 
Ryssen and Jave:... We were still following you.. 

Then instead of doing the sensible thing and turning back, we just turned at the next street, walking in the direction that hopefully should lead us to Wasteland. We got lost pretty good and ended up walking the streets of Gävle a wee bit longer than we had planned. But we found our way in the end, so no harm done.

Though it still remains a fact that my classmates have about the same mindset as a 4-6 year olds.  


.....................
In other news, I am facing the last 24 hours before Animation Deadline. This week I have pulled 4 all-nighters so far (and possible also a party night :/ ). I have pizza, sugary candy and energy drink. I should be FINE.

Modellera språngbräda eller gå och köpa kebab?

Modellera språngbräda eller gå och köpa kebab?

Modellera språngbräda eller gå och köpa kebab?


Modellera språngbräda eller gå och köpa kebab!




Har för övrigt modellerat en basketkorg och en plint idag. Go me.

Have you ever had the following train of thought directly after waking up:

1: Where am I?
Ans: In my bed.
2: How did I get here?
Ans: I can't remember.
3: Where is everyone?
Ans: I don't know.
4: Where are my jeans?
Ans: Oh, on the floor.

Admittedly, I think I was most confused over why I was alone in bed and not wearing my jeans. I did what any sensible person would have done: Found myself a pair of hotpants, went out in The Apartment, found two classmates asleep on one sofa each, concluded that the rest must be having an orgy in Muffin's room, felt a bit sorry for the ones on the sofas who obviously didn't get to join in, fetched a glass of water and went back to bed. Then I had to go back out and make sure the people on the sofas were alive and breathing, since 'being dead' is quite a good reason to be left out of the orgies. They were. Went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, realised I was also being left out from the orgy, contemplated inviting people from the sofas to my room, decided not to. Checked the time and was a bit confused by it being around 6 in the morning. Changed shirt and went back to bed. 

Some four hours latter, once Muffin got up, I asked her about what had happened the night before. She asked if I really wanted to know. I said yes. 

Now I know, next time I shall just say No. 

My camera, which I found unharmed in a corner (this is the good thing with having people from CCG over for the parties, they know how to properly handle and respect a fatCamera, even when being drunk) also provided some information about what had happened. I'll slip (some of) the pictures to Sharon as blackmail material (does anyone know if there's extra credits for this?) 

The important thing is that people kept giving me shots. I think we need a new rule, something along the lines of 'When Emilia starts asking for alcohol, stop giving it to her'.   


Amnesia aside, what I remember of the Star Wars Night was much fun!




( PICTURES, lots of them.  )Otherwise I think this covers the night rather handsomely:

Me balantely not watching Star Wars. Among other things. 
 
Summing up:
I shall not drink shots.
People should not allow me to drink shots.
Thank you Muffin for taking care of things.  
Muffin has better part of CCG08 mocking my cooking inabilities. Joy.
There was no orgy.
I can actually make porridge without burning it. Really! It only happened once!
Muffin left as fast as she could in the morning.
Thank you to the people who helped me clean up in the morning.
To all the people I bit and might have harmed by doing so: Blame the person who gave me whiskey, that's what I do. If no such person exists, blame the person who gave me rum in shot glasses.
 

After cleaning up The Apartment in the morning, I spent the rest of Saturday on the sofa. Seriously, the whole day. Details of that I will not rely, but the weekend (meaning Sunday) might have progressed like this:

Friend: What did you do to your neck?
Me: My neck? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I walked into-
Friend: *sceptically raises eyebrow* 
Me: ...a door (it worked for Harry Potter!).
Friend:  *eyebrow remains sceptically raised*
Me: Ok, so I walked into-
Friend: Oh quit it! (this is were I remember it didn't actually work for Harry Potter).
Me: ...someone tall and blonde and lanky. You know I like tall and blonde and lanky! 
Friend: ...right.
Me: Yeah so maybe I walked into said person a number of times.
Friend: To Much Detail.


More Movie Nights with CCG08 are coming up. Just so you know.

I could write a really long evaluation of Kinky Night, but I wont because it's best summed up like this anyways:

Previously, A has slept with B.
At the Kinky Party B makes out with C.
D makes out with E (this is hilarious)
A finds out that D apparently has also slept with B. It is also found out that D has been involved with F, who is now in a relationship with G, who has been in a relationship with C.  
H is wise enough to keep out of this and makes out I.
H's plan fails as it is found out that I and B might have had a thing going on.

Conclusion: Maybe B is a bit of a slut. Maybe C and D are as well. Maybe everyone is. Or maybe there was just a bet going on.

( Or if you want pictures, this sums it up pretty well also.  )

Clearly, she's having a bad influence on me.

It was last Tuesday, and we were having a chat about the upcoming Kinky Party, when suddenly: 

Muffin: Emilia, you do realise what kind of people we have become..?
Me (a bit clueless but thinking that there are a lot of kinds of people I'd rather not be): Eeh. No?
Muffin: We have become the kind of people that Party Every Weekend. 
Me: !!
Muffin: See!?
Me: We're going to a party tomorrow. 
Muffin: Yes! Exactly! *despairs*
Me (calm): So you are wrong...
Muffin (clings to hope): I am?
Me: ...We have not become the kind of people that party every weekend (duh!). We have become the kind of people that party every weekend and Sometimes In The  Middle Of The Week As Well. 
Muffin (probably remembers that she lives with a person who's brain devoids reason. Abandons hope): ...right. 

Though admittedly, since I've gotten sick (no doubt the after-effects of the Kinky Party and walking home in a corset and fishnet-stockings) there will be no weekend partying this week. (But the Pancake Night we had on Thursday turned into Excessive Wine Drinking Night and Maybe Some Rum and Coke As Well, so maybe we're not so much in the clear anyways). 

And about that. Even with the bad influence (or perhaps to make up for it), Muffin has also taken on the task of providing me with food. Last week she brought me MAX-food, and this week she made pancakes and bought us candy-flavoured yoggi. Now, for some this might be a smaller disaster, but since I'm cursed with an inability to make myself cook food and blessed with an rather awesome metabolism, I'm perfectly alright with it. 


Pancakes!


Kola/karamel/toffee smak! 


Pancake Night Leftovers! 
 

So it's not exactly napalm, but then again you can't have everything. I hate beer. I dislike the taste, I think the bottles are ugly, and I hate having to smell it the first thing in the morning. Though it might be to prefer over the smell of garbage, I don't know. I approve of people who will treat me to rum and coke when the only other option is beer. 

In other words, Muffin and I spent Friday night getting to know new people. It was mad.

Muffin: Are you coming out with us tonight?
Me: I don't know, I don't particularly feel up to it. 
Muffin: You are coming, m´dear, Swing says so. 
Me: ...
Me (muttering): Well since Swing invited some eight people we don't know over here without asking us about if first maybe you should consider Not Listening To Him..
Muffin: Lalala I hear you not and I am happy because I have loads of beer!!!

I was perfectly alright with the people coming over though. As long as they didn't bother me about going out with them and was prepared to listen to me and respect my wishes.

Swing: Emilia have a beer!
Me: No. I'm not drinking tonight.  
Swing: Have a beer!
Me: No.
Swing: have a beer!
Me: No. I don't like it. 
Swing: Have a beer!
Me: No offence but I think it's disgusting.
Swing: Have a beer! Have a beer. Haveabeerhaveabeerhaveabeerhaveabeerhaveabeer.  
Me: No!. No. Nonononono.
Swing: May I touch your chest?
Me: What!??!
Me: I'm gonna go sit over there with them wine and Rum and coke people.

-a moment later-

Muffin: Emilia, do you want a beer?
Me: Nooooooo. 

-later- 

Swing: Taste this!
Me: *sceptical look*
Swing: But it's rum and coke. It taste like candy!
Me: FINE.

-later- 

New Acquaintance: Have some rum and coke. Have a glass of it!
Me: Fine. 

-later-

Muffin: You are coming with us!
Me: Fine!

We ended up going over to our New Acquaintance. There we meet even more people. Muffin and I ended up in a sofa with four or five boys, all of which had more or less shaved heads. 

Muffin: This is so perfect Emilia! You and me and the boys!
Me: Yeah. It's fun.
Swing: Emilia have some whiskey, have it straight out the bottle!
Me: I shouldn't, I can't drink whiskey, I get weird. Oh all righty then!
Muffin (finds out that New Acquaintance also lives with a flatmate): This is wonderful! You are roommates, we are roommates, we shall have a foursome!
New Acquaintance: *looks scandalised and shutter about having a girl already.*
Me: *shakes head at drunken ravings*
Muffin: A platonic one! We shall all be roommates! We shall have a roommate relationship! This will be Awesome! Boys! Boysboysboys!
New Acquaintance: Yeah... Right. 
Me (desperately searching for a different subject): I shall shave my head too!
New Acquaintance (might have been rather relieved indeed): Yeah?! Awesome. I'll do it for you. I Love shaving heads!

And this was about where I had a Wicked-Lets-Do-It-Now- moment. Note to self: Next time someone offers you whiskey (especially if it's straight out of the bottle) say No. 



And btw, we didn't end up going anywhere else but back to The Apartment because at the time I was un-sober enough to go "Hey guys Wasteland will start charging in 7 min but we can still make it to Friday I'm In Love" Muffin were going "No. Nononononoo. I'm drunk, I ain't going nowhere fuckers--"


Great Friday, all in all. Save the beer I had to deal with in the morning.


 

Once upon a time ... Muffin and I were having one of our lazy TV nights; we had tea; she was munching lazily on a apple and I was even more lazily slouching on the sofa. It was a good night and I was content. Then the program we were watching cut to commercial.  

The TV : ...In every school class, there are two girls who cuts themselves, and one who have a eating disorder...
Me (sitting up violently, tea flying everywhere): Oh My God!
Muffin (wiping chai of her brow): What is it!? What is wrong with you?
Me: I don't know, I don't know what I'm doing! (people's ought to know I tend to panic when I don't know what I'm supposed to do).
Muffin: ... ?!!?
Me (desperately points at the TV): What they said!
Muffin:... Oh! Right! You only are three girls!
Me: I shall have to talk this over with Sofie and Maria.

Okay, so maybe it didn't happen exactly like that, though still close enough, and I've been imagining the following conversation ever since:

Me: Sofie. Maria. We need to talk.
Sofie: ...
Maria: Yes?
Me: So, I've been thinking: I'd rather not cut so I'd prefer take on the eating disorder. What do you say?
Sofia: ...
Maria: ...
Me:  I'd guess if you guys also prefer the eating disorder we should maybe have a draw?
 
I never had the time to bring it up though, and then I received words that Maria seems to be leaving the programme. I despaired. 

Me: Do you think if Sofie and I both cut and shared the eating disorder we would qualify?
Muffin (probably giving up all hope she ever had of living with a sane person): I don't know. Maybe.
Me: Or I will just have to ask Maya.
Muffin: Yeah, that's an idea.
Me: She does go on these suicidal missions every now and then, surely we can count that as self harm, it's kinda close to cutting when you think about it.
Muffin: This is true.
Me: So then we have the other cut and the ED left. 
Me: I just hope Maya doesn't want the eating disorder.
Muffin: No. Maya refusing to accept external objects wouldn't be good. It would cause troubles for everyone!

I might add that Sofie and I are perfectly healthy and that perhaps you shouldn't make jokes about eating disorders. It's mostly making fun of statistics really. Also, we will miss Maria.   

...

If you are in a class like CCG08, fun things are going to be happening on a weekly basis. (Just the fact that people have nicknames such as Blomman (flower), Bär (berry), Gud (God) and Seriemördarn (the serial killer) makes it fun).

Sharon (about Maria leaving): I really don't understand it. We just can't get the girls to stay.
Male classmate (as in trance) : YES. We need more girls!

As Muffin said, paraphrasing Mean Girls: I would love to have a Girl in the class. Just so the class could meet a girl. 


Sofie and I are bravely soldiering on. The boys are mocking me for not having seen the Starwars movies (hence the upcoming Starwars night and the rumoured restraining garment) and are searching our defences for weaknesses that will help them in persuading us to play COD. COD, by the way, is an interesting phenomenon, and a source to much entertainment even if you're not actually joining in the game: 

Random classmate: ...my neighbours got this damned dog and it was barking all night-
Gud (walking by): I shot the dog with a bazooka.

Classmate of your choice: Fuck it Gud stop stabbing me in the back!

2nd classmate of your choice: Hey you stabbed me right across the field!

3rd classmate of your choice: Who's Olov?
4rd classmate of your choice: You shot him in the head with the rifle yesterday. Three times. 
3rd classmate of your choice: Oh him! I like him!


 It's not only fun and games though, CCG. Occasionally we do actual work!

Who the fuck goes to bed at 4 in the morning and wakes up at 7 feeling rested and yearning to go to the gym?? Lack of food for breakfast kept me home until I felt I could have lunch but now I'm off with the next bus. Surely this can't be normal?!?

In other news, things seem to be coming together now; though part of me still want to bitch-slap certain people for acting the way they do. Part of me can somewhat understand them too, but honestly when smart people fail to think it just... really bothers me. It'll get settled in due time I'm sure, and then they can continue doing what they do, but until then... I guess I'll have to live with the occasional  twitching of annoyance.

Also, I've decided to Actually Do It. Exactly what It is (if your brain shut down just now and the only word you can remember of all the words in the modern languages is SEX - get  yourself some therapy, jesus!) I'm not telling right now, you'll find it out sooner or later anyways.